I remember my first day of class like it was yesterday.
But at the same time, I remember it like a blur.
I was tired because of my incessant tossing and turning the night before. My brain was exhausted from trying to come up with topics to talk about with the strangers that surrounded me now but I couldn’t utter a single word to them. I hypothesized that perhaps, my tongue just wasn’t used to the water here,
Either way, I was no ray of sunshine. I hovered around more like a gray cloud about to burst. After breakfast at the hostel, filled with silence and porridge that I was not used to, I feigned excitement as I spoke to the other girls. They all seemed so sure, so put together, so…not me.
Walking to class, I took in the surroundings again. The air carried less enthusiasm than when I came for my interview months before, yet I trudged on and smiled to everyone I saw,, giving a performance worthy of an award.
Sitting in my form class, I looked around and I could clearly tell who had come from the junior school and who hadn’t. Those from the junior school possessed a certain air of confidence, whereas the others looked slightly separate from the rest of the clan.
Our form teacher abruptly announced that our first period would be assembly and promptly moved us to the door. We lined up outside and started walking. I heard the vague sound of violins tuning, but I also knew that I hadn’t eaten much that morning, so my brain was probably playing tricks on me.
However, I walked into the assembly hall and saw a full piece orchestra setting up in front. My eyes enlarged, and I wondered how I had come to this utopian land where announcements were accompanied by classical symphonies during a high school assembly. After I picked up my jaw from the ground, I analysed the teachers. They all looked the same to me. I kept myself busy by scanning each of them murmuring as I went, “The same, just younger.” “The same, just skinnier” “Funky but the same.”
My thoughts were interrupted by a cellphone ringing in my area. I froze wondering whether I had turned mine off. I could not get into trouble so early and I could not expose myself like this – I knew that I was the only E250 in a sea of BlackBerry’s. But thankfully it wasn’t mine. It was the girls’ who greeted me first that morning. She walked to the teacher, mumbling apologies and something about her alarm.
We all then abruptly stood and the principal walked in, with a smile so big it hurt me just looking at it. I had met her during my interview which had not gone as well as I wanted it to. But hey I was here right?
The assembly droned on and my eyes bounced from girl to girl. The prefects stood boldly, their braided blazers and sparkling badges making them look like American girl scouts. They seemed so much older, so much more certain of themselves than me. 18 seemed a lifetime away from where I was sitting and becoming a prefect seemed impossible.
“Last year’s matrics maintained an excellent 100% bachelor’s pass rate with over 200 distinctions across the grade. No pressure but I’m hoping that we beat that this year ladies!” The principal announced. I hung my head, somewhat overwhelmed by the weight of expectation hanging in the air. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive another day in this place let alone another 5 years.
We were then told to stand again and sing yet another hymn. This time it was called “The Lord’s prayer.” I was about ready to leave. My oversized blazer was lopsided on my shoulders and my head was throbbing from lack of food and the premonition of incoming doom that was seemingly heading my way.
That’s when the orchestra started playing the Lord’s prayer.
And I froze.
Suddenly the full piece orchestra didn’t seem so foolish anymore and the weight didn’t seem so heavy.
From the first note, I was enthralled. It was one of the most beautiful melodies I had ever heard with the most fitting song lyrics.
The Lord’s prayer filled the empty spaces of concern that had tormented me for the duration of the 45 minute assembly and for 3 blissful minutes, the school was not so bad.
“Ameeeeennnn.”
We had come to the end of the assembly and I was ripped back to reality.
I walked with my class back to our classroom.
“Ladies, single file!” Some prefect shouted.
My solitude was emphasized when I realized that there was nobody with whom I could share my thoughts.
My bulky school shoes thudded against the wooden floor, sounding eerily similar to the beat in “It’s a hard knock life” and yet despite being reminded of my differences with the school, I smiled leaving that hall.
I could not wait for it to be Monday again just to listen to that rendition of the Lord’s prayer.
The Lord’s Prayer – my saving grace.
