First of all, let me just start off by saying congratulations for making it this far! I do not care if you passed with 6 distinctions or if you just-just made it or even if you didn’t pass, well done for trying and for seeing the process through. I unfortunately can not speak for those who have not passed matric but if you know that you did your best, lift your head up and keep walking. If you believe you can make it, then you are half-way there.
This is just a list that I have compiled of lessons that I have learnt (outside of the classroom) during my first year of being away from high school. I hope that it helps you in any way that it can.
1. You will fail at something
Shocker hey! ‘How can you start your list like this’, is what you’re probably thinking. But I need to be real with you; failure at something or even things is inevitable. It may be a test at varsity if you are studying or it may be a task at a job if you are working. Even if you find yourself at home for a while, you will experience or feel like a failure at a point in time. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Most of the people (if not all) that I have spoken to regarding their first year away from school have admitted to failing. Do not give up when your first failure comes around but know that it is necessary for your growth. A new mind-set is needed for this new venture of yours and this will only come from trial and error.
2. Out with the old and in with the new
This is a tricky subject because this lesson can be as fulfilling as it is diminishing. If you are like me and fear change then you will have to quickly learn to like it. You are going to be forced to move on from certain things including friends, past-times as well as habits. Letting go of friends can be very hard (believe me, I know) but just know that whoever is meant to be in your life, will stay in your life. At varsity everything was so fast-paced and chaotic but it showed me who my true friends were because true friends and family stick it out no matter what. You need to decide for yourself after a certain amount of time who and what is making your life better and who and what is doing absolutely nothing for you. There is a very logical way of working this out. Simply make a list of all the things that you can straight-away say add value to your life, then make a list of things that used to add value to your life but don’t anymore. Lastly make a list of things that you believe could add value to your life if you implemented it into your life. Mull over this list and if you are saved, I urge you to pray over it. Slowly but surely, try adding and subtracting where necessary. You do not have to tell anybody what you are doing ie. Don’t text your friend and tell them “I am not your friend anymore. Bye” No, No, No. It is a personal decision and therefore requires no exterior input. Just make a mental decision not to pay so much attention to that thing that you are letting go of and gradually you will find yourself moving on from that habit or person etc.
3. Nobody needs to know your business
I have mentioned this earlier and this is a biggy for me because I’ve had to learn how to be more private last year. With all these social media pressures and celebrities showing us that you can make a living out of sharing everything, it is easy to get influenced. I get that. But when you are putting all your business out on social media or just sharing all your experiences with any and everybody, you are leaving your personal life open for scrutiny and gossip. People often don’t intend to be negative towards you, but just one thought towards you can create negative energy which is not a suitable environment for your growth. It also just shows maturity when you keep your private life, well, private. Find one or two people that you can really trust, whom you share your private matters with. Do not keep everything inside because that also creates a toxic environment for you. You need to release the things that you are going through. Make sure that you know that these people will be there for you no matter what and also that they will safeguard your secrets. I do think that it is wise to have one of your confidante’s to be significantly older than you for example a parent, family friend or aunt. This way you know that you are receiving seasoned advice should you ever need it.
4. Prioritize your life
I guess that we could have added this to number 2 but I want to delve into what I learnt about prioritizing my life. Prioritizing is not the same as planning. Planning is very easy but prioritizing is kinda irritating. If you are going to varsity, you will need to sort out how you are going to balance your social, physical, educational and financial “lives”. You may not be one to go out to parties/clubs/socials but you will get many invites and some will be hard to say no to. On the other hand you will be experience the ‘first year spread” which is a mandatory weight gain or loss that all first years’ experience. Your money will run out faster than you can imagine and you will experience hell weeks during which lecturers will somehow schedule all your assignments/tests/pracs together. This is where your priorities come in. For me, a decision that I made and stuck to was that my education comes first no matter what and so studying always took preference over everything. You can decide for yourself what is most important to you. If you are working this year, perhaps your job will take preference. I quickly learnt though that all work and no play is not good for you. So socially, I would try to do something every week eg. I would go out with my family or have a movie night or go out with friends, or even something as small as taking walk to the mall in Stellies with my friends to get ice-cream in-between classes. Financially, I would suggest budgeting per day ie decide to maybe only spend R20 a day and then have one day per week where you spoil yourself with something. Stick to your decision!!! A saving tip would be to bring food from home to work or varsity; you save a lot of money that way. Lastly, write down all your important dates on a calendar and invest in a diary. You have no idea how much this will help. Something that worked for me was that I made “plan of actions”/ POA’s before every hectic week and I separated the work into manageable chunks across the days and when a task was completed, I scratched it off the list.
If you are working or if you find yourself at home, I urge you to set goals for yourself.
5.Surround yourself with positivity and motivate yourself
One thing that I am extremely grateful for is that God sent me friends at my new venture who constantly pushed me and encouraged me. This helps a lot. Find people wherever you are this year, who are a positive influence on you. This makes a huge difference! Listen to encouraging music and stock up on those motivational tumblr quotes. When something goes wrong, do not stay down in the dumps for too long but urge YOURSELF to move on. The words that you speak carry power so if you are constantly telling yourself that you can not do something or that you will not succeed, you will not. Be positive on purpose!
There will come a day when all your friends will be consumed with their own issues and your family will not be able to understand what you are going through and you will feel frustrated and alone; when this day comes, encourage yourself. Tell yourself, “Remember why you started”, ‘Do not give up”, “You can do it”. It sounds simple hey? But it is so effective. You can trick yourself into a better state of mind and it really comes in handy at 23h45 at night and you find yourself with a whole chapter left to study before the next day’s test. You will soon realize despite peoples’ best intentions, only you and God truly have your back. You will have to wipe your own tears or cheer yourself up. Do not fear days like these but embrace them because when you finally make it, your victory will mean so much more.
On a side note, try your best to be that light for someone else. Be that positive influence for others and surely that energy will be reciprocated.
6. Don’t forget to live
I can not stress this enough. Don’t get so lost in the routine of things that you forget to experience everyday for what it’s worth. Try to find the joy in everything that you are doing, otherwise you are going to be miserable and you will only have yourself to blame for that. Use every opportunity to laugh and joke and to make memories. You do not need a reason to be happy and adversity should not always qualify as a reason to be sad. Once you have gone through this first year, you can not get it back. So make the most of every opportunity. One thing that I regret is that I played my year so safely and I did not make the most of every opportunity. For this new year, I only have one new years’ resolution and that is to try my best to make the most of every day. Maybe you should try that too. This way, we can get more out of our lives, one day at a time.
This is basically what I have learnt in a nutshell but believe me there is a lot that I am not saying. Everybody’s journey is different and I am sure that at the end of your first year, you will have other lessons to add to this list. You are never alone even when it seems that way. We all go through things beyond our control and these experiences ultimately shape us into who God wants us to be. Embrace these challenges as they are necessary for our growth. You are going to be confronted with many decisions this year namely “Should I go out with that guy?” or “Should I spend my money on that?” or “Should I go to that club?”. You will make some wrong choices and you will lose some battles. Do not beat yourself up about it but learn from it.
This is going to be one amazing year for you despite the challenges that you may face.
Do your best and God will do the rest.
